What is death? You’ve never died before so you don’t really know. I had it all figured out in Ramadan because of fasting. We don’t eat. We don’t drink. We don’t sleep well. We have no energy to do anything. Is this how dying feels like? Is fasting so close to dying that it teaches you something?
This is only a theory of course. But do you remember how fasting makes you feel? It makes you feel like you’re floating. Floating and dizzy. It makes you feel tired. Is floating the first step of dying?
The other day I was reading the book Inferno which is written by Dan Brown and he was speaking about a concept called Agathusia. Agathusia is basically when you kill yourself for the greater good. For example, there is a man who has no money. If he dies, the government will give his family insurance money. So the man ends up killing himself to secure his bloody family. That’s agathusia. And it reminds me that there are some kinds of deaths that are worth dying. Its only one stage.
This concept is beyond humanistic on so many levels. Dying here is a form of art. That person’s art is a sacrifice.
I’m guessing stage one of dying is living. No actually stage one is thinking that you are immortal. I keep reminding myself that there are beautiful things that need to be appreciated in this world. But you know when you’re suddenly thrown into being a “grownup” and you have to accept that one day your life will simply be like everyone else, and there will be no kind of remorse in it? That’s when you think about dying. Why am I enduring all of this? By all of this I mean why am I educating my brain? Why am I working? Why am I studying so hard? Why am I reading? Why am I laughing? Why do I love the things I love? Why do I care so much?
Actually to make it more obvious…
Why am I living?